My Collected Home message for the New Year: Don’t settle for nothing

I miss catalogs with content, decor magazines with high quality photography, the now cancelled This Old House publication when it showcased different eras of architecture and wood colors. The design world that I joined professionally over 25 years ago has evolved (as it should) but I have become more vocal about the way it has started to devolve. It’s hard to put into words, because I don’t want to appear negative towards current trends or any one styling of a house. If you decorate with your heart and you love it- then that’s all that matters. Truly. I have always wanted to normalize that.

But lately I have been feeling a pressure on the internet, a similar type of article shared and mass produced that repeats one mindset and reflects one style. I referenced it briefly when I wrote about the celebrity tree decorating trend that was filling my google news feed. My concern is not over the message or the actual look– it’s the way it is presented with an authority, as if it is the superior choice. Sometimes I feel like, well…you see….okay, I am going to just say it-

Sometimes it sounds like people who like minimalism and completely decluttered homes think they are better than everyone else.

As if the only alternative to minimalism is a scene from the show Hoarders.

Now I am sure this isn’t true of everyone who just likes clean surfaces and isn’t attached to stuff. Plenty of them are probably completely unfazed by someone’s lifestyle and make no time for judgement. But the movement has backing in books, self-help books. They range from advice about only keeping things that “spark joy” to advising the older generation not to hold onto things as an inheritance because- “no one wants your stuff.”

(ummm…Roll the Dice Vintage would like a word…)

And another growing psychological theory that we hold onto unfinished projects and random supplies out of guilt for abandoning a hobby or dream. That when we get rid of the physical reminder we rid ourselves of the weight of presumed failure.

I am sure this could be true for many people. I am not disputing the theory, just the authority that traps everyone in the same box. That questions if any of us are really enjoying the mess of our collections and vast areas of interests and possibilities. We will all feel better if we just get rid of things. Because having things is what is making us miserable (not the growing trend of people not being able to afford things).

Does having supplies for a project I haven’t started or finished make me feel bad about myself? No. Not anymore. There is a learned art in cutting yourself a break for some of your own internal goals and pressures that I expressed in an article on scrap booking. I also know that studies show that sometimes just dreaming about what can be done is more satisfying than actually doing it. Because letting your mind wander like that…it’s so good for the soul!

But maybe the grander scheme is trying to normalize being happy with less because then we won’t expect more? Dream too big? Are we tying depression to disappointment and this is just a theory that better mental health is lower expectations?

Maybe. But I’ve been studying the mindset of the older generation that I consult with for work. The most positive ones I meet with are a little messy, they are surrounded by things they love and they have stories and memories tied to objects and mementos. “Keep the Memory, Lose the Stuff,” is another book about decluttering. A good theory- until you reach an age where you will need all the reminders you can get.

And then I thought about the last 4 or 5 newer homes I went to for younger couples that had less decor than the average VRBO we rent. When I asked them when they moved in (assuming it was recent) they were replying 2 years or more! These homes were neutral, monochromatic and spotless- not a piece of mail on the island, not an alarm clock on a side table, not a trinket dish for jewelry. I thought- is this the look now? Is my generation the last to like any stuff?

So imagine my surprise when I found someone younger than me writing about thrifting and sharing a living room that she proudly wants to look like her grandmas. I know very little about Skye Hitchcock other than a few posts on social media, but she first roped me in with her romanticism of old VHS tapes.

And then she really got me with content like this-

“Can we normalize cozy homes again? Homes that aren’t all white and beige. Where nothing perfectly matches, but everything feels right. I don’t want a house that looks “updated.” I want a house that feels warm the second you walk in. One that feels like someone actually lives here. I want lamps instead of overhead lights. Rooms that feel collected slowly over time, not rushed or replaced every season. Cozy homes don’t chase trends. They hold memories.” -quoted from a post by Skye Hitchcock

I respect what she is saying and even if my style wouldn’t be the oak entertainment center with the gold knobs or the candlestick holders with the heart cutouts that she favors when thrifting, it’s only because we have different reference points. I didn’t grow up going to a grandmas house decorated in the 90’s, so my cozy heirloom memories aren’t from this decade. But she hit the nail on the head about why we should embrace this thought process. It is much of the conversation I continue through my “Collected Home” series.

It’s hard to put into words how to advise people on picking things that spark their joy- because you can’t tell someone how to feel about something. They have to feel it. I only hope we can all continue to keep trying. Don’t take the easy way out and settle for nothing.

I will say- there might be a small trend of people going out to try to get the “grandma chic” look by loading up on a armful of vintage finds, all at once. This is also not the best way to get an authentic look. If you replaced all the decor you already owned in one room with stuff you just bought- on the same day or within the same week- then it’s not really collected. Again- no judgement – but part of the challenge is to slow down, choose with intention and surround yourself with meaning, not just different stuff.

I also hope that more people can choose to “thrift” from the homes of their own family. Remember, there are people out there like Skye- she does want your stuff! Hold onto that ugly little trinket that might have been in the background of your life growing up. My sister-in-law reminded me of this on Christmas when she pointed out an odd wingless angel figurine among her perfectly displayed vintage dishes in her china hutch. It had a really cute story and when she told it she finished with- “I might make wings for it, fix it up, but I kept it- because of that memory.”

It’s the opposite of clean and perfect minimalism. It’s anti the trendy-curated-home-decor-accessory, the kind that anyone could own and everyone understands. It requires context. But in her own home (in a space we should decorate for ourselves) it makes her smile.

To be honest, my sister-in-law probably won’t ever make wings for that angel, because the way it feels a little tattered and out of place is exactly why she loves it.

And that’s why we should rethink decorating as we move through life- because on some level we should all be able to relate a little bit to that.