The business of busyness

“It’s good to be busy”

I grew tired of this phrase in the years of selling new construction contracts during a full blown housing recession. It was my career from 2008-2018. First I would navigate the pity ask of- “How’s your job going, I bet it’s been tough…” always accompanied by a concerned look and a sympathetic head bob. Then when I surprised them by explaining that things were going quite well for me at my company, that they had poised themselves to stay busy during this recession and I was selling 8-10 build contracts a year, I would hear that throwaway phrase-

“Well, it’s good to be busy”

But was it? I wasn’t just busy, I was working all the time. At first it was just what I had to do. I was determined to succeed. It was about as close to a “dream job” as I could have imagined coming out of college. It encompassed all the things I loved about construction and design. I felt it didn’t really matter if I was working everyday, every night, sometimes clocking over 60 hours in a week during the Parade of Homes. We were in a recession. I was young. This is what I had to do.

But we came out of the recession. We recovered from the hard times. Things were supposed to get easier. Somehow, against all logic- things stayed the same. Every year felt like starting over. I began to loathe the phrase “It’s good to be busy” because being busy felt like a waste of time. Being busy didn’t mean you were more successful, or making more money or getting more done or… making anyone more happy. It just meant you didn’t have time for anything other than rushing from one activity to the next.

I can see it now in society with how everyone is so full of errands and obligations. There is so much rushing. There is a perception that being busy is good because it reflects a life that is full. I have heard people say “I like to be busy” as if it were a humble brag. Now I think that some people hide behind their busy-ness as a way of avoiding the reality of getting older, facing change, feeling like the years you have with your children are slipping away.

I can recall all the times I turned down invites to do things. All those years I “had to work.” It’s funny to me now how my friends and family would murmur about how busy I was (and I was) but there was no employer ever acknowledging it. They didn’t see the sacrifices. They couldn’t know the late nights, the missed dinners, the moments and milestones that were traded for a few years of success. But I did what I had to do. And I would probably do it all over again. I didn’t have children at the time- so I didn’t miss them growing up. My husband and I have a solid relationship- so we didn’t struggle to connect. My 20’s and 30’s were a good time to be busy, but now I want something more.

I want to embrace the change that started in me years and years ago. It started small, with a new friend who lured me from my routine of working every weekend. I remember the first time I went on an all day Saturday wine tasting for her birthday, I felt like I was playing hooky from work. In the last weeks of her life I found myself by her side on a Saturday or two, helping her scrapbook her last memories on this earth. There was no longer anything so important about work that would’ve kept me from being there.

I’m the same age now that she was then.

Perhaps that is why when I look at my calendar, think about my aspirations, see 17 posts a day from someone on social media determined to “do it all” in the name of living their dream, I want the exact opposite. I want to be less busy. I want to be able to drop everything to lend my parents a hand if they need it. I want to have time to grab my camera to take pictures of the sun as it sets over the field. I want to have 2 hour coffee conversations with Nick as if we are an old retired couple or someone who just won the lottery. Because I don’t want to have to wait to be an old retired couple to have these luxuries.

Time is the luxury.

I’ve been busy. I’ve made my own way, found my own success. I’ve “done it all” for my dream jobs for two decades. And it’s okay to say- that was then and this is now. My mindset has changed. I took an entire year off from being “busy.” An entire year off from trying to meet other people’s expectations. A year off from worry, from drama, from stress…and I can honestly say I have never felt more whole, more healthy, more accomplished, more ready to take on what’s next.

So while I might find myself sucked into another company or project or growing a business, I believe this time will be different. Because I am different.

Ultimately, it’s always going to be hard to find a balance. I’m not advocating for a severe swing to the other side, which will look like laziness to most ambitious individuals, just a realignment. To consider getting away from looking at busy-ness as a badge of honor. To get away from declaring busy-ness as a status for success.

People and plans are going to fill up our time. Work and career goal will always dominate our days. It’s easy to end up being busy- just hopefully not too busy to see how full our lives can be when our days are a little more empty.