Another Anniversary Story

I check in on Emily Henderson’s blog from time to time and I caught her more personal post about her wedding anniversary. She chronicled the stages of their marriage which in number of years were similar to my own.

Nick and I have also been together 23 years and I was also 27 when we got married. We never lived in New York and we never traveled across the country after winning an HGTV contest, but the raw honesty she had about the evolution of her time with the man she loved was relatable. I liked that she made it acceptable to express the highs and the lows of your life and how that is bound to have an effect on the person who is around you every day.

The past three years have been unique for Nick and I. Not only did we become foster parents by starting off with four kids- but we both made changes to our careers and how we view our careers.

We spent a great deal of time recently working together. And while the naysayers heckled us and joked that they could never imagine working with their spouse, we grew closer through the experience. Coffee together in the morning. Time to collect our thoughts on the drive together. Checking in on expectations for the rest of the day as we ate lunch together. All the extra communication kept us sane as we navigated parenthood for the first time.

As we navigated parenthood together.

Having such an age range of kids (6-16) made us feel like we had already gone through all the stages of raising children. We never had a baby phase but we watched the oldest graduate High School and that was a bit surreal for newbies like us. Looking back it felt like a big rush of energy and parental responsibilities crammed into two years only to be teetering on empty nest syndrome a blink of an eye later.

I guess I am writing this because I could recognize the journey in Emily’s story and I agree with her that more people should talk about real relationships. It felt genuine that she and her husband settled where I feel like a lot of us at this place in our life are starting to settle- the place where family and peace of mind matters more than material things or accolades. We all want to feel good about the work we have done, we all want to feel like we are contributing, but we’ve all been so conditioned to the idea that life is a ladder that we forgot to check what even is at the top.

This anniversary we still took a trip and enjoyed each other’s company as we always do. We know that our life together could change at any moment and by this time next year it will more than likely be quite different than it is today. We’ve had a year of recovery following events we couldn’t even admit had taken a toll on us. You learn the most about yourself in these toughest of moments, when you are faced with grief and failure.

I remember that summer I wrote my vows sitting in the driveway of our house-

“And as I watched you through the kitchen window throwing your head back and laughing I realized I pretty much had everything I ever wanted, the house, the dream job… but I wouldn’t want any of it without you.”

Back then there was only the new joys of starting a life to share. This is even more powerful for me today when I realize how important it is to stand together in the hard times. I would amend it-

I wouldn’t want to go through any of this without you by my side. You aren’t just the breadcrumbs that lead me home, you are the rock at which our foundation is built.

Happy Anniversary to us…15 years married and 23 years of sharing a life together. I’ve never had more fun dreaming new dreams with you than this past summer and fall…